Loneliness is a climate issue

The Backstreet Boys once asked that we Show Them The Meaning of Being Lonely, so we will now oblige their request. Emphasis is added for dramatic flair:

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Loneliness is the subjective feeling that you’re lacking the social connections you need. It can feel like being stranded, abandoned, or cut off from the people with whom you belong—even if you’re surrounded by other people. What’s missing when you’re lonely is the feeling of closeness, trust, and the affection of genuine friends, loved ones, and community. Researchers have identified three “dimensions” of loneliness to reflect the particular type of relationships that are missing. Intimate, or emotional, loneliness is the longing for a close confidante or intimate partner—someone with whom you share a deep mutual bond of affection and trust. Relational, or social, loneliness is the yearning for quality friendships and social companionship and support. Collective loneliness is the hunger for a network or community of people who share your sense of purpose and interests. These three dimensions together reflect the full range of high-quality social connections that humans need in order to thrive. The lack of relationships in any of these dimensions can make us lonely, which helps to explain why we may have a supportive marriage yet still feel lonely for friends and community.” — U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy via his book Together

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Here’s the hard truth:

• 😔 Loneliness is literally killing us. This NYT article asks: We know the cure for loneliness, so why do we suffer? Great question, honestly. According to the surgeon general of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy, “Loneliness is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and more lethal than consuming six alcoholic drinks a day. Loneliness is more dangerous for health than obesity, and, alas, we have been growing more lonely.” The loneliness epidemic is real, sadly.
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• 🏠 We need third places for meaningful conversation. Home is your first place, work is your second place, and where you can just vibe out is your third place. (Ray Oldenburg who coined this term said it more eloquently: Third places "host the regular, voluntary, informal, and happily anticipated gatherings of individuals beyond the realms of home and work.”) If we want to do something about our numerous overlapping crises, we need places to go to!
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• 🌎 People who feel connected are more likely to take climate action. Research is underway about the links between loneliness and climate anxiety. One finding is that “a meaningful connection to community or nature provides individuals with a compelling sense of relevance or motivation to act and that action can create a cycle of connection to others.” Makes sense—we want to do better for those we care about, and loneliness blocks us from caring and connection!

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Solving loneliness is a non-negotiable when it comes to creating social connections and building a better, safer, and healthier world.

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We cannot solve the climate crisis without a stronger social fabric. As you watch this video about third spaces, imagine a space you dream of seeing in your neighborhood.

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What is a third place?

Third places are inclusive social spaces that provide anchors for community life and facilitate meaningful interactions. The idea is our life is divided into three realms: home, work, and ✨something else✨(aka your “third place.”)

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What counts as a third place?

American sociologist Ray Oldenburg, whom we learned about above, talks about eight defining characteristics of third places. You can learn more in the video, but our two favorite characteristics of third spaces are 1) they are primarily spaces for conversation and 2) are playful.  🎉

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What does this have to do with the climate crisis?

Revolutions don’t happen with a single person. We can invent all the fancy tech we want, but if we dream of a better world, we need people and culture to change. Andrew Sage, the video creator, talks about how third places have been a key hub for having political discourse, airing grievances, planning resistance movements, and more. We need more social spaces for social change!

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Why don’t we have good third places anymore?

It’s largely due to extractive capitalism, as always, but specifically it’s the rise of suburbs, car-centric design that makes it hard for us to run into people, urban sprawl, capitalism’s focus on efficiency over humanity, malicious technology, the over-emphasis of work over all else, and the commercialization of everything. Wow,  writing that list killed our souls a little bit.

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How can we bring back third places and radical spaces for action?

Andrew says, “If we want to see change, we need to organize and either demand it or implement it ourselves. Rather than waiting on the traditional top-down planning of architects and urban planners, we can try to rally our neighbors to get actively involved in those decision making processes to co-determine how our public spaces should look, feel, and operate.” 

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In short, the best first step is to imagine what you can do in YOUR neighborhood! As Andrew powerfully says:

Humans are social animals, but it seems as though many of us have lost that sense of community. Extended-family households and tight-knit neighborhoods have become less prevalent as the demands of work suck our time and energy and scatter people across distances that make it difficult to maintain and establish deep-rooted bonds with others. Many of us find ourselves in a truly bizarre situation when measured against the grand scale of human history: we are overwhelmingly surrounded by strangers, not community.

Usually, we ask you to choose from a menu of actions, but now, think of it as a tasting menu where you try them all. We love bite-sized actions, but solving loneliness takes several bites as does solving the climate crisis. Good thing that many of the following solutions are the same and include community-led climate resilience!

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1. Smile at a stranger.
Remember when we talked about the United States Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, and his loneliness book, Together? Well, he says even smiling at a stranger from six feet away can materially strengthen our social connection. 😄

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2. Understand where you’re at.
Are you feeling lonely? Climate-anxious? Hopeless? Check in with yourself about your baseline. This free workbook, Unmuck Yourself, can help! Once you understand your baseline, you can find your vision for a connected and healthy future.

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3. Meet a new neighbor or someone you can see at least once a week.
Proximity matters! If you’re feeling intimidated, leave a note on their door introducing yourself…or make up an excuse like “I lost my ball in your backyard.” You can also make up a real reason like “Oh gosh, it’s about to be wildfire season, which really isn’t a season anymore, and I’m scared and I think we should have each other’s numbers in case we need to evacuate!” You know, the good stuff in life.

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4. Volunteer somewhere doing something that makes you actually happy.
Usually, we recommend specific organizations through our Action Packs, but if we really wish for community-led resilience, we need to understand our specific geographic communities. What do YOU love doing? Gardening? Socializing? Biking? Plug into what makes you happy!

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5. Host a planet party.
Host a gathering with friends that makes the world a little better and tell everyone to bring a friend. 

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Some examples: book swap, clothing swap, mending circle, postcard party (eg., writing to local politicians), field trip to a waste management plant, gardening party, thrifting excursion, and more! The possibilities are endless, and it could help you discover what’s going on in your city! Report back with ideas, so we can share them. 🌱

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If you're looking for more connection around climate change, the Soapbox Project community is always waiting for you with online and IRL connection, learning, and action!

Before we go any further, it's time for you to pledge your commitment. It takes less than 30 seconds to pledge and we can bother you about it in a friendly way, so we can hold each other accountable. Pledge here!

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🎯 Action step 4 of 4: REFLECT — what can you commit to? What fresh perspectives can we look at?

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Reflect on how you're increasing your sense of community and belonging. We recommend setting your timer for 3 minutes and writing down a response to at least one of these prompts. This free workbook, Unmuck Yourself, can help if you are stuck or mucked.

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Here’s some starting questions:

• What dimensions of your life make you feel the most lonely? As we learned above, the three dimensions are: intimate (e.g. romantic partnership), relational (e.g. friendship), or collective (e.g. community)
• When do you feel most connected to yourself?
• If you had a dream existence on a safe and healthy planet, what would your life look like? What would your neighborhood look like? Make this as vivid as possible: I wake up in the morning in my [describe your apartment]. I see and hear [describe fun things]. I embark on my morning routine of [being awesome].

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Here’s to us changing the loneliness epidemic together. Here’s to climate solutions that connect us and help us lead better and richer communal lives. 

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If you feel inspired to share any of this, chat with us at team@soapboxproject.org. We love reading your reflections!

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‍🏁 Checkpoint: This is the end of action step 4 of 4: REFLECT.

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Check out our membership community for more resources like free weekly events with social justice experts, sustainable product discounts, pre-written email templates, a social impact job board, and in-person hangouts with new friends. Thanks for taking action with Soapbox Project!